I find joy without my daughter

  The Paradox of Migration-and Education

I had a turmoil early childhood life experiences, my father abandon my mom with two small children for his new girl and wife now, both him and said girl friend migrated to Canada from Jamaica shortly after.  This event of abandonment place Viola, my mother in limbo financially, emotionally, plus with her limited elementary education without any family support was quite confusing I am sure.

(This was taken at the miami Gardens Jazz Festival)

She also were given the opportunity to broaden her arisen as a domesticated worker in the USA, which enabled her to have more financial empowerment from her trouble-limited life and provided more opportunity for her children.  The privilege of a better economical condition including furthering our education inspired my mother to snap up the opportunity to migrate to the USA for a more privilege life for herself and us.        

Prior to my mother migration from Jamaica, she now has a total of five children and I, her second child was still only nine years old. The disruptive event of both my parent absence place their children in many vulnerable situations, such as, we were exposed to many incident of sexual, physical, and emotional abuses love and care toward us were none –existence.  Yet, in many area of our life we have since survived.
( MY GRAND SON.)

The paradox of, my father decision to abandon his family, and my mother economical decision to migrate to a new country
 ( The Woman in Sync member Birthday party that me in the sequen blouse.) created emotional chaos on their children.
 Many of these scared still resonate from all the adjustment and abuses.  Trust and love become a commodity, support, empathy, are scarcity take it when you get it and deal with it in order to stay reasonable sane.

Therefore, when my daughter started to exhibits several of the same distortive behaviors, I became appalled and jump in crisis mole.  I try to work with her by explaining that we are a team, which works together for the good of us, and not to damage ourselves for selfish reasons.  I Also I develop a vigilant over said behavior, only to notice that I was been used as a doormat by my oldest daughter.  I am good as long as I am her errand girl but if I dear have a voice she treat me as if I do not have any sense.

(On the bus trip to Key West Florida- Florida Fest.2010 with the group WOMEN IN SYNC)
She would agree verbally yet her actual exhibit behaviors were contrary.  For instant, my only home and primary is in foreclosure from taxes, I call her and tell about the situation I am experiencing emotionally.  Her only response to me was let me call you back I am sorry to hear about that, for days and weeks I did not here from her.  I finally call her back and explained to her that she did not have to help financially, but some moral support would be good thereby I would not have to feel so alone unsupported during this confusing journey.  I text her in the most  humbling way  “ if I can’t talk with you for

(BOTH MY GRAND CHILDREN AND I AT MY DAUGHTER HOUSE.)
solace when I am trouble then why are u in my life.” her voice mail suddenly become full always whenever I call, I also text her to no avail.  There are so many incidents where she acts as if she harbors resentment against simple hate or me.  I have tried to figure it out to no avail; I have asked her, what have I done to you to deserve this treatment”?  It always same answer, “mom nothing, I really love you just busy. “ Well.  If that love I do not needs it.

I have for give all my victimizers, because I am no longer a victim waiting for a victimizer.  I have survived the abuses with the help of God.  Although, at time I am still sensitive to the torn and the legacy plague many of my family members even today.  Both brothers on my mother’s side that I love so much acts as if they hate woman, because if you allowed them they can be verbally abuses even to their own sisters. 

Some time while you are being tested in life, the one you thought you can count on they are the one to turn on you. But God got my back he is my source and sufficiency and I can do all thing thru him. God protect me in every ways therefore, nothing form against me can proper.

Quote:

Life has to be more joyful without my daughter, I do love her, but this journey is too toxic for me.
( NATURAL HAIR AND SELF)